Filipinos use familial titles or honorifics when referring to their family members.

This isn’t unique to the Philippines. Here in the US, we use honorifics. We call our mothers “mom” and our fathers “dad”. We hear it in Spanish-speaking countries when they call their grandparents “abuelo” and “abuela”.

But what makes these honorifics somewhat confusing in the Philippines is that they’re not strict with how they’re used.

I’ll let Julia explain.

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Here in the Philippines, age is often associated with authority. So anyone older than you within the family would have an honorific—a tradition we borrowed heavily from the Chinese.

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https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:Ranieljosecastaneda

We use “Mama” and “Papa” to refer to our parents. If there are step-parents in the picture, they can be referred to as “Madrasta” for stepmother and “Madrasto” for stepfather; however, these terms are rarely used now.

Once we get married, we’re also expected to call our parents-in-law “Mama” and “Papa”. Our parents (my parents and my parents-in-law) would then refer to each other as “Balae” (buh-laa-eh).

Before marriage, we often use the honorifics “Tita” (aunt) or “Tito” (uncle) when referring to our romantic partner’s parents. It’s to show the respectful distance in the relationship.

We NEVER refer to our parents-in-law or our romantic partners’ parents by their first names. It’s disrespectful.

Other uses for “Tita” (aunt) or “Tito” (uncle) include:
– When referring to our parents’ friends
– When referring to our friends’ parents
– When referring to step-parents (Step-parents may also be called “Mama” and “Papa”, but this depends on the family).

We also use “Aunt” and “Uncle” when referring to our aunts and uncles. But we use “Auntie” much more than “Aunt”. The word “Uncle” gets shortened to “Kol” (pronounced “cull”) or pronounced with a hard “A” instead of a “U” (Aang-kol).

Some families even have a system where they use “Tita” and “Tito” for one side of the family and use “Auntie” and “Uncle” for the other side. We also got this from Chinese tradition, where their familial honorifics are determined by which side of the family one belongs to (maternal or paternal).

“Ninang” refers to godmother, while “Ninong” refers to godfather. Most people associate godparents with a child’s baptism, but here in the Philippines, we also have godparents for Catholic confirmation and weddings. Often, they’re also family members, which is why they’re included here.

When referring to siblings, we use the honorific “Ate” (Uh-teh) to address our older sisters and “Kuya” (Koo-yuh) for older brothers. We sometimes use the term “Bunso” (Boon-soh) as a term of endearment for the youngest sibling. In some places in the Philippines, they use the more formal “Manang” (Man-nah-ng) instead of “Ate” and “Manong” (Man-noh-ng) instead of “Kuya”.

We also use “Ate” and “Kuya” when referring to spouses of our older siblings and older cousins (and their spouses). But if you want to be specific when referring to your siblings-in-law, you can call your sister-in-law “Hipag” (hee-pug) and your brother-in-law “Bayaw” (buh-yao).

Lastly, we use “Lola” to refer to our grandmothers and “Lolo” when referring to our grandfather.

Filipino Chinese (Chinoy) have their own system, which is more complicated because they also consider family order. https://www.chinoy.tv/a-guide-to-deciphering-the-complicated-chinese-family-tree/
Some Filipino families also use the Chinese honorific system, even if they’re not of Chinese descent.

Now, let’s talk about exceptions.

Some grandparents don’t like being referred to as “Lolo” and “Lola”. My dad and Jam’s dad, for example. They didn’t want to be called “Lolo”, so my child calls them “Daddy” or “Dey” (a Filipinized variation of Daddy pronounced “day”). I have a friend who calls her grandfather “Kuyang”, a version of “Kuya”.

Some aunts and uncles would rather be called “Ate” or “Kuya” so they won’t feel so old.

There are also times when honorifics are used outside of family.

For example, my friends who are younger than me call me “Ate Julia”.

“Ate” and “Kuya” can also be used with strangers as a form of respect. When I need to ask a stranger for directions, I would call them “Ate” or “Kuya”.

Some Filipino bosses prefer to be called “Ate” or “Kuya” instead of “Ma’am” or “Sir” because it still feels respectful but less formal.

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If you’re not comfortable with your VA addressing you as “Sir” or “Ma’am”, perhaps “Kuya” or “Ate” would be a good alternative?

John